Live and Let Di

Di's List of Things to Blog

I sometimes have these little blog topics floating in and out of my head, so today is kind of like blog clean-up day.

1. Last night (at the Cantina), during a fervid discussion of the Joe Torre situation, we were trying to think of the names of coaches who transcended their team affiliation...as in you could hate the Dolphins but still respect Don Shula, you could despise Penn State but still appreciate the talent and longevity of Joe Paterno. As we were trying to think of names and about to start making phone calls (at midnight mind you, knowing that the people we would call would have absolutely no problem getting a phone call at that hour to be asked the name of the Dallas coach who always wore a hat...Tom Landry). But as certain names escaped us, Marcy came up with the perfect name for this affliction...SPORTZHEIMERS!!!

2. I remember when my kids were 6 and 3 1/2 and we were moving to Raleigh. They had lived their whole lives in our first house, which was supposed to be our 3-year "starter" home and ended up bursting at the seams with kids, dog and stuff, but we couldn't leave because we had the BEST next-door-neighbors ever, Sally & Frank!!! So when we were house-hunting in Raleigh, my kids chose the houses with the best toys in the playroom, the ones with cats and the ones with trampolines (utterly verboten by Nazi mom Di) in the back. No amount of explaining could get through to them that the people we were buying from would actually take all that stuff with them.

Recently we were looking at houses to rent while our house is being built. This time my kids (at 14 and 11) along with my daughter's best friend were evaluating the houses on things like how well they could do headstands against the wall in the master bedroom, the backdrop of the patio for their goofy hijinks and the beauty of the stairway for their "strike-a-pose" photos. Silly me, I'm still holding out for separate toilets in the master bathroom!

3. I am not-quite-hopelessly behind in my book reviews. I owe you a blog on The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. It was a re-read for me for my book group...but reminded me of my discovery of non-fiction that reads like fiction and substantially increased the percentage of my reading devoted to non-fiction. I am also looking forward to blogging about The Blind Side by Michael Lewis who wrote one of my other favorite sports books, Moneyball, a book that naturally arose in the above-referenced discussion of coaches, the expectation of winning, the ability to "buy" a team, etc. The Blind Side focuses on football, the incredible impact Lawrence Taylor had on the game and the subsequent value and constant search for the next great left tackle. I think I enjoy the theory and behind-the-scenes nature of sports almost as much as the sports themselves. I'll get to these this week...probably just as I'm finishing Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards.

4. I sometimes wonder...are you out there? I haven't peeked at my stats lately...heck, if I can't get around to blogging about the last two books I've read, how am I going to have time to look at stats...but I've been feeling kind of comment-deprived. So if you are out there, make a comment, drop me an e-mail, reassure me that I'm not just keeping a private journal (which actually isn't a bad thing) for my own pleasure. See, give someone a modicum of fame (losing the term VERY loosely, not in the "photographers in my crotch looking to see if I am wearing undies" meaning of the word) and they begin to crave the attention!!!

5. A couple weeks ago I as playing golf with my friends Sharis and Billy. As we approached green on the 3rd hole, riding along the cart path, we came upon  this blue volleyball. It seemed odd and out-of-place, being nowhere near the kids area of the club or even the home of anyone with kids. Two days later, I walked out into my carport (my house is on the 6th hole) and there was the  volleyball.  I still kind of feel like it is an omen of some kind. I don't know what.

6. In December, 2002, these little girls (then 9 years old and in 4th grade) met and became insta-friends. Her parents conveniently had a son who was my son's age, both of them having just turned 7 and in 1st grade.

Inexplicably, during the ensuing 5 years, while the four parents responsible for these children haven't gotten a single wrinkle or gray hair...and as a matter of fact look better and better every day, these kids have turned into...well, kind of like...people! The boys are so cool at 11 that I don't even have a picture of them together. And the girls at 14 are grown-up enough to be the delight of the kids for whom they babysit, run into an adult who ran their summer camp at The Fair and introduce her to me and the other friends who were with us and blindside us with their occasional bursts of maturity, empathy and ability to give to others. (But let's face it, it's still CRITICAL that they wear the right thing and carry the right bookbag and belong to the right clubs...they are teenagers for goodness sake!)

7. My dear friend, partner in laughter and golf guru, Susan, won our Ladies Match Play Club Championship...by beating the lady who won the Stroke Play Club Championship. She went out there and played her game...shot a stellar 76...and kept her positive attitude and her confidence in her game together to win in the head-to-head competition that is match play. Congratulations Susan!!! I hope there is a trophy or a plaque (I had to go back and correct this as I inadvertently typed "plague" and I would not wish a plague on my friend!) to go along with the Yeungling draft that I bought you to celebrate!

OK...my bloggy-bits are emptied. Now maybe I can focus on posting a book review in the next few days!

Di

Winning isn't everything...

...unless you win!

My husband didn't think I should start my blog like that because it would sound cocky. But that isn't my intent.

Yesterday I won the final match in my flight to be the Club Champion (said sotto vocce "of the third flight"). Each of the matches I played was close...no blow-outs. And it wasn't the winning....it was what I learned about myself....that was the best part of the experience.

I never had a sport...OK, I admit I was a cheerleader, but that was long before the days when cheerleading became a competitive event. We simply did cheers at the football and basketball games.

When we joined Bentwinds (which we describe not as a Country Club, but as a Club in the Country), it was for my husband. I considered myself a golf wife and never thought I would pick up the game. I would show up for Couples Golf for the social aspect, whiff more balls than I hit and make the occasional putt for the team. One year for Halloween, I even dressed up as Miss Bentwinds complete with tiara, feather boa and banner...considering my role as the party girl.

Then I started golfing and although my scores for the first year were in the 120's, I got the bug. We were so lucky here to have an amazing group of women who encourage and inspire people like me so that we can overcome the frustration of trying to get a tiny ball into a tiny hole 400 yards away. The "big girls" (the ones who golfed 18 holes as opposed to those of us who only played 9 and sometimes threw our hands up in despair on the 5th hole and just went to have lunch) decided to have a tournament where they would invite the newer golfers to play. My friend Paula invited me and we even won our flight.

From then on, I pretty much competed in every tournament I could (see above pictures...with my friend Barb, my friend Robin and even my son Rory. But all the tournaments that I played in were team events...you always had a partner or three that could pick you up if you hit a bad shot or had a bad hole.

Until I played in this Match Play tournament, I had never played head-to-head with one person. I knew that I was by nature, competitive, but I had no idea how that would translate on the golf course. And what I learned about myself is that I can compete one-on-one, maintain the focus on my game, stay positive and play better than I would in just a fun round with my friends.

There are so many people who have encouraged me and inspired me over the past four years that golf has been my passion...and I think they know who they are. But the two to whom I owe my greatest gratitude are Susan and Evelyn. Evelyn (on the right) is my friend, my teacher and my golf pro. She took me from whiffing the ball on the tee to being able to actually hit it most of the time...and have a bit of distance and accuracy!!! She recognized my desire to understand the psychology of golf as well as the techniques and recommended books, like Golf is Not a Game of Perfect, that have continued to help me improve. Her enthusiasm about golf has made golfers out of many women like me who figured they would just hang out at the pool and meet up with their husbands when they finished their rounds. Susan (on the left) started playing with me when my handicap was about a 40 and hers was about an 8. I have learned a lot about technique, strategy and rules from playing with Susan. We also talk and laugh a lot when we are playing. But the greatest gift that she has given me (besides finally figuring out that if I keep my head DOWN when I'm chipping, the ball will go UP) is a belief in the power of positivity on the golf course. She never appears frustrated when something goes awry. She looks at each shot as a positive opportunity, even when she is in a pot bunker the edge of which is taller than she is (she's kind of tiny).

So, winning ISN'T everything...and we are still right to teach our children that losing can build character...but you can learn a lot about yourself by winning too!

Di

Playing with Matches

There are STILL those men who think women should not be allowed to play golf on "their" golf courses.

And then there are the more "enlightened" ones who think it's OK for ladies to play, as long as it's not on weekend mornings, on "Ladies' Day" (which seems to universally be Tuesday) and as long as they keep to themselves except for "Couples" events which are really more about drinking and socializing than golf.

And then there are those who truly enjoy playing with women, appreciate the LPGA...and OK, let's be real, fantasize about Paula Creamer playing in a thong.

For the golf-challenged or golf-blivious amongst my readers, there are (to completely oversimplify it) two ways to play golf. Stroke Play is what you mostly see on TV. Tiger shoots a 69, Phil shoots a 70 and some guy you've never heard of shoots a 71 and they place first, second and third. Match Play is used in the Ryder Cup and other international team events. In Match play, you win, lose or split a hole. So if Tiger makes Birdie and Phil makes Par, Tiger wins the hole. If they both make Birdie, they split the hole and are "all square" until someone wins a hole and goes "one up".

The interesting thing about it is that if I shoot a 9 on the first hole and my opponent shoots a 5 (which happens to be par on our course), I lose one hole...I'm not four shots behind after one hole. For years, the men in our club have had an annual match play tournament. Brackets, kind of like the NCAA basketball brackets, are set up based on one's handicap...the 8 seed plays the 1 seed, the 7 seed plays the 2 seed, etc. For each round of play, the men have two weeks to set up and play the match. So, in a strikingly unmanly fashion, they call each other, e-mail each other and come up with a convenient time for both of them to play. It's kind of like women do EVERY DAY OF THE EAR trying to balance kids' sports schedules, homework, laundry, getting together with friends, etc.

So, a few weeks ago, I said to one of our pros, Dave, "Hey, why don't we have a Match Play tournament for women?" Dave, who doesn't realize that I take EVERYTHING as a challenge, said, "You could never get enough women to play." Ahem...you are about to learn with whom you are dealing. "How many do we need?" After his response of 16, I said, "Ten bucks says I'll have 16 signed up by tomorrow."

And now, here we are, in our second round of play with a field of over 20 women and we are HAVING A BLAST!!! We are learning more about a golf format that we have rarely been exposed to. We are well-matched because we are playing people who are within 8-10 strokes of our own handicaps. We are challenged because we aren't "getting strokes", so if we are pitted against a better golfer, the bar is raised and we have to play our strongest game if we want to move on to the next round.

We had one round that was not decided until the 18th hole. We had one round that had to go to a play-off hole. I personally lost a hole because I inadvertently hit my opponent's ball...a big golf faux pas to begin with, but an automatic "loss of hole" in match play. We are trash-talking. We are sitting around on the clubhouse deck dissecting our games hole-by-hole, just like we used to roll our eyes when they guys did it. So next time you hear "don't play with matches", think again. It's fun!

Di