Live and Let Di

The Ten-Year Nap

This is not about my afternoon sleeping habits...and my naps rarely reach the length where they are measured in years! The Ten-Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer is the best book I've read in, well, years! Or maybe it just seemed like that since I wolfed it down over the course of two rainy, gloomy days this past weekend.

The Ten-Year Nap delves into the lives of some very different women living in and around New York City who are contemplating their lives after ten years of motherhood. I say "some" women because, although the description says four women, there are many women whose lives are touched on throughout the book and Meg Wolitzer crafts her book so beautifully that you never feel like, "Oh, this is Karen's chapter." Their lives weave in and out of one another's seamlessly. Every time you think something has the chance to devolving into cliche, it doesn't.

None of the women is a cookie-cutter stereotype of the "I left my career and regret it" or "I am the earth mother who needs nothing more than my children to complete me" roles that we often see in books focused on mothers. There are so many situations that will make you think, make you look at your own feelings about motherhood and make you think about the judgments you make about others.

Wolitzer even manages to weave in the past, interspersing the experiences of women of previous generations. What happened to the feminists and their consciousness-raising groups of the 60s? What bearing does that have on today's women? What happens to a woman who left her dream behind because marriage and family was expected?

Part of what made this book so compelling was that I read it following a typical Friday night with my friends who are also a diverse group of women. And strangely, I wrote this post about the value of diversity of friends on Saturday morning, before I became engrossed in The Ten-Year Nap. Wolitzer captures this sentiment and the messy overlaps of and distances between our perspectives.

My thanks (and my husband's irritation for me being AWOL a good part of the weekend) go to Caitlin Price at FSB Associates for sending me a copy to review.

Top Books of 2008

So what have you been reading?

Because I’m kind of geeky, I started an Excel spreadsheet in 1997 listing the books that I read, keeping track of date read, who recommended it and a 1-10 rating. At the end of the year, I enjoyed sorting through what I had read and doing a top 10 list. When I started my blog in 2006, it became an annual staple. 12 years later, I have a spreadsheet listing over 800 books that I have read…so rest assured that if you need a book recommendation, I’m a good one to ask!

This year it seemed like writing and building a house and actually working (albeit temporarily) kept me from reading at my usual frenetic pace, but I still read enough to have some good books for my list. So, here are my top 5 fiction books and top 6 non-fiction books  (sorry, I just couldn’t narrow it down!) that I read in 2008. I hope you find something that will inspire you to pick up a book you might not otherwise have read. (The links provided are to my reviews of the books.)

TOP 5 FICTION
PLEASE LINK THE URLS TO THE BOOK TITLES…THANKS!

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett (thanks to my sister Linda for the recommendation)

Fieldwork by Mischa Berlinski (thanks to Stephen King for the recommendation)

In the Woods by Tana French (thanks to FSB Associates for sending me a free copy to review)

What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman (thanks to my BF Amy for recommending)

Forgive Me by Amanda Eyre Ward

TOP 6 NON-FICTION

Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher (thanks to Andrea who tried to recommend it, but I never called her back and eventually found it myself being the Carrie Fisher-stalking loving person I am )

Comfort by Ann Hood (not sure, but if I had to guess I'd say Amy)

Comeback by Claire & Mia Fontaine (Andrea again! Andrea, if you are reading this, please leave a comment with your last 5 book recommendations....Andrea was off her feet for 6 weeks after surgery and probably read a ton! I'm sure with your 2008 track record, my readers want to know.)

In an Instant by Bob & Lee Woodruff (thanks to FSB Associates again. Book bloggers, if you are getting books from publishers, my opinion is that FSB Associates has the best record of sending books that you actually might like.)

Escape by Carolyn Jessop (Vicky...who recommended this ages ago, I bought it well over a year before I read it...and I loved it)

Strong at the Broken Places by Richard Cohen (I didn't mark down who recommended this, but Richard Cohen is Meredith Vieira's husband who has suffered with MS and colon cancer.)

I would LOVE to see your comments about what great books YOU read in 2008. It might give me books to add to my 2009 list! So far, the two books I've read in 2009 have scored an 8 and a 10...and the one I'm reading looks promising!

Di

American Wife

I called Amy (my best friend since college who reads even more than I and should have her own blog) a few weeks ago to tell her that somehow technology and my focus on writing have combined to thwart my reading habit. Reading was not a habit that I wanted to kick. I told her that I needed a book to give me a jump-start. I wanted a book that would pick me up, throw me onto the couch and force me to read, kind of like Fieldwork did last year.

Among some other books, Amy recommended American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld (who is female, by the way), so it was off to Quail Ridge Books where I bought it and three or four others which I snuck into the house while my husband was caught up on a conference call and put on my bookshelves like they had been there forever. (To those who are new to Live and Let Di, Quail Ridge Books is the best independent bookstore ever, located in Raleigh, and worth every mile that you drive past every big-box bookstore in the area. At Quail Ridge, you will find employees who are well-read and an owner, Nancy, who might just wander the stacks with you to help you find the perfect book. If you are not local, I strongly recommend subscribing to QRB's newsletter which comes weekly and combines reader recommendations with store events, making you want to read more and more and more.)

It's no secret that American Wife's main character, Alice Lindgren from small town Wisconsin, is slightly more than loosely based on Laura Bush. When I started reading the book, I wanted to know what parts were "true" and what parts were fictionalized. After just a few chapters, I didn't care. Alice grew up in a traditional midwestern small town, living with her parents and her paternal grandmother. She was a typical, bookish teenager whose life was ruled by the manners, respect and discipline that were expected at the time. Her life lies before her, mapped out with the expectations of a career in teaching, marriage and children. Her aspirations go no further.

A tragic turn of events turns her life upside-down when she inadvertently runs a stop sign while predictably, carefully driving the speed limit, and kills a boy on whom she had a crush who happened to be driving the opposite way in the intersection at that time. This is based on a true event in Laura Bush's life. In the wake of this life-changing event, Alice reacts in unexpected ways while still maintaining her focus on family and community expectations and her natural desire to make others feel comfortable.

Alice is the most non-confrontational, frustratingly compliant protagonist you will ever love. Her story is told in a narrative that unfolds based on her address at various points in her life. To some she embodies the caricature of the spinster librarian. But eventually, the meekish librarian (who is, incidentally, a Democrat) meets Charlie Blackwell, the privileged son of a wealthy, politically ambitious family. Charlie is a party guy. He'd rather play golf and tennis than show up at the family business to do his job. He's the life of the inevitable cocktail parties and family gatherings that pepper their lives.

They marry and their lives move them eventually to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Throughout their marriage, Alice is mostly accommodating to Charlie, his habits and underachieving. But she surreptitiously continues to indulge her compassion and liberal leanings through her actions and contributions.

Amy told me, before I read the book, that when she read it she WANTED Laura Bush to BE Alice. And who knows, maybe she is. Maybe the more Mamie than Hillary First Lady has a rebellious side that remained hidden in deference to the office her husband held. Maybe as she waved getting on that helicopter, she was joyously planning her life as a private citizen and mentally shaking off the shackles of her role. Time will tell.

If you want to read a book review of American Wife that puts mine to shame, click here. The New York Times has a habit of having famous writers do book reviews. This one is by Joyce Carol Oates, a favorite author of mine, and is terrific. This is not always a good thing as this review by Jay McInerney, proves. It's nothing more than a plot summary of The Garden of Last Days and McInerney's status as a published author does not make it worth the columns of newsprint it wasted.

Di
***If the New York Times links don't work, I apologize. I have an on-line subscription, so I'm not sure they will work if you don't have that.***

Wishful Drinking

Finally, as promised, the book review for Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking. Ever since Postcards from the Edge hit the bookshelves in 1987, I have been a Carrie Fisher fan. I was not a fan in the Princess Leia era, although I do have a healthy regard for the original Star Wars since it was such a breakthrough movie at the time and I never would have seen it if I hadn't gone with my cousin, famous artist, Mark Bode. And I loved her in When Harry Met Sally.

Although there are autobiographical references in Fisher's previous books, Wishful Drinking is her first foray into the memoir genre. And if you think her fiction is funny, check out her real life. Imagine being born to the uber-Hollywood-couple of the time, Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher. And then imagine that Eddie Fisher divorces your mother to marry Elizabeth Taylor. Think Jen, Brad and Angelina in the 1950s. Tabloid fodder from birth!!!

She describes her childhood with an ironic, self-deprecating perspective. She drops names, not to impress anyone, but because those names are the people she was surrounded by. She got advice from Cary Grant. She smoked pot with Harrison Ford. She listened to the explanation of why she couldn't wear a bra in space as Princess Leia from George Lucas.

She is honest about her missteps in life. Kind of like everyone's life, only with more press coverage. She has suffered from depression and even underwent ECT (aka Electroshock Therapy), just like me!

Wishful Drinking was the only thing I wanted for Christmas. So my husband, liking the price point better than the other things I might want, like landscaping, got it for me. It's a brief volume, a mere 176 pages. I wanted to both consume it all in one big gulp and savor it. So I forced myself to read it in pieces over the course of three days.

Carrie Fisher is a celebrity you can imagine hanging out with. She doesn't have a distorted view of her importance in the world based on her celebrity status. And she is laugh-out-loud funny. Get the book.

The next only thing I want (but really, honey, we need landscaping) is to see Carrie Fisher perform her one-woman show, Wishful Drinking.

Di

Twilight - the book

Remember when I started my blog as Di's Book Blog? My high-falutin' objective was to do a book review every day or so. As I progressed, I found out that publishers actually search out such blogs and send the blogger books to review. This was kind of cool, but I would have to say that about 90% were not worth reading. (I guess THIS blogger won't be getting too many more books from publishers!)

Pretty soon I had to add "etc." to my blog title because I kept going off track. Then I had to change the title completely because it was the rare post that mentioned a book, let alone reviewed one. Now I'm trying to get back to my roots. I'm not making any promises like, I'll review one a week, or anything like that because I know I won't stick to it and then I'll feel guilty.

It seems that a certain Stephenie Meyer is this year's answer to Harry Potter for the tween-/teen-aged girl set. My Mom mentioned the Twilight books to me in late October and asked if Haley was interested in them. I said no and that I hadn't even heard of them. By the next week, Haley had read all four and her friends were circling around Haley and each other to be the next one to read one of the four books.

Despite Amy's protestations (Di, don't do it. It's horribly written. You'll never get those hours back again!), I took Twilight to Mexico with me and started reading it. I actually only scanned the last quarter of the book because the day before Thanksgiving we spontaneously decided to go to the movie and I wanted to finish the book first.

You aren't going to read this much in my blog, but, THE MOVIE WAS BETTER THAN THE BOOK! You can relax now, there will be no more shocking revelations...in this post anyway!

I can understand the attraction between teenage girls and Twilight (along with the subsequent three books.) The basic plot is that a clumsy, somewhat self-conscious girl (Bella) moves to live with her Dad in a town in Washington where the sun shines about once a year. She makes friends quickly, but still can't seem to stop looking at and wondering about the four Cullen kids with their pale skin and unusual eyes. There's no spoiler here since everyone knows Twilight involves Vampires. Bella learns more and more about them through her friendship with Edward (the incredibly cute one, of course.)

I call this kind of book a "glorified movie treatment." It's all plot with little character development or visualization. My daughter was getting mad at me when I was reading and criticizing the mundane, repetitive and redundant writing. I'll just give you one example. A woman was described as "tall and statuesque." Well, the definition of statuesque is "attractively tall and dignified." So, word geek that I am, I found the use of the word "tall" to be not only redundant, but slightly condescending. Does she think her readers wouldn't know such a big word or have the initiative to look it up if they didn't?

The book could have also used a good editor. One example was when Bella was apparently "relieved," but was written as "relived." I wish that I could say that this book is so smart and internally witty that it was a play on words with the whole vampire thing, but that was not the case.

I read the book mostly to see what all the fuss was about. But, unlike the Harry Potter books, I didn't feel compelled to immediately devour the second book, New Moon.

The important thing to note is that my daughter and all of her friends, many of whom are not natural readers, DID feel compelled to consume all four books in short order. So, despite my pretentious book reviewing, I cannot find anything wrong with any book that gets teenagers excited about reading. Today they read Stephenie Meyer and maybe tomorrow they will read Daphne DuMaurier (although I admit I've only seen the movie of Rebecca). Searching for the next book, because their appetites are now whetted for books, they may find themselves at the library or bookstore or in Miss Di's study looking for the next great book. Di will restrain herself from handing them The Pillars of the Earth or A Fine Balance, which, while two of the best books ever, are voluminous and can make adults cringe. She will casually toss out some YA books that Haley has read that somehow landed on her hallowed shelves. She will restrain herself from handing over The Grapes of Wrath and instead suggest Marley and Me or The Lovely Bones.

Regardless of my take on this book, buy it (from your LOCAL bookseller, of course) or borrow it for your favorite teens and let them revel in the love of reading. They'll get to Steinbeck eventually!

Di

Escape

Sometime over a year ago, I went on a book-shopping binge and this was one of the books that I scooped up and deposited on my bookshelf where it patiently awaited my touch. Remember how I used to read fiction almost exclusively? Escape by Carolyn Jessop (with Laura Palmer) is a good reason for expanding my horizons to include non-fiction.

Many of us watched with a mixture of horror and obsession as the women of the FLDS Church were paraded into the courtroom in Texas.  We mocked their haircuts and dowdy dresses. We wondered how they could accept the life they led. We shuddered to think that the women actually wanted to take their children back there! How could they? Freedom was within their grasp.

Carolyn Jessop gave me answers in her account of her escape, but more importantly, her account of her life living within the FLDS. Carolyn was born into a polygamous marriage, went to school where teachers were not allowed to teach outside of the FLDS doctrines and knew nothing about life outside except the horror stories fed to her by church leaders. The people outside the cult were evil. The people inside were going to be saved.

These tenets did not provide much comfort when, at the age of 18, her father arranged her marriage to a 50-year old man who already had three wives. Most of us know that women in close proximity can get a little catty and competitive. Well, try having four women live in one house and not being sure which one's bed the husband will sleep in tonight!

As the years went by, Carolyn did her duty, churning out eight children by the age of 33. Escape tells the truth about polygamy, the in-fighting among the wives and the lack of opportunity for daughters to do anything but follow in their mothers' footsteps, marrying at younger and younger ages. Planning an escape with her eight children was not a simple matter. Every move she made was scrutinized and reported on by her husband's ever-burgeoning number of wives. Her plans were complicated by the severe health problems of one of her sons.

Somehow she did it. That's not a spoiler. The book is called Escape. But having read it, I look differently at those women in Texas. They have no real context within which to question their faith and their lifestyle. They have been told that the apocalypse is near and that they are the chosen people. Most of us have lived in a world of religious freedom. We aren't necessarily encouraged to leave the faiths we grew up in, but we are aware of other faiths and interact regularly with people who have other beliefs. The women of the FLDS don't necessarily desire to escape their lives. They are taught to feel proud of their many children and to see the number of wives a man has as an indication of his power in the church hierarchy.

Throughout Carolyn's life, she suffered some unimagineable tragedies, but somehow found the strength to leave and start a new life. Her story is both compelling and inspiring...and definitely worth a read.

Di (Remember when this was Di's Book Blog and I did this all the time? I need to get back a little closer to that. I'm starting Faulkner next!)

Comfort: A Journey Through Grief

Comfort by Ann Hood is one of those books that you hear people recommend but you dismiss because you know it's about a parent losing a child and you haven't lost a child and you're just a little afraid that reading it will jinx the relative stability of your family and your children's daily routines that you take for granted.

Ann Hood and her husband, lost their daughter, Grace, when Grace was just five years old. It was sudden. It was utterly unexpected. And it shattered Ann's world.

I began thinking more about reading this book when I was reading my friend Robin's blog So What Happens Next? Robin's blog started out as a way to communicate with family and friends about her mother who was slowly dying. The blog has developed into Robin's path through grief, punctuated with her sense of humor and candor.

This in no way compares with these tragic events, but I have been suffering with grief over an event in my life that happened quite a while back. And I'm always saying to myself, why does that still cause me pain when I think of it? Why can't I just get over it? Time is supposed to heal, so why do I still crumble a little bit inside whenever something reminds me of it?

Whether you have lost a child or not, what comes through this book is that there are no rights and wrongs about grief. It's not something that you "get over" but rather something you "go through." A rabbi in Hood's life made that point clearer with a reference to the Twenty-third Psalm.

Ann Hood doesn't even try to shield her privacy or dignity. She honors her readers with the truth whether it is a vision of her burying her nose in the clothes Grace wore the day before she went into the hospital or screaming at an airline clerk that her daughter died.

There is something about the way this book is written where the writing mirrors the topic. There are various things that are repeated about Grace, the things she said, the words she mispronounced and her uniqueness. But it's not redundant. It's mindful of the way Ann's grief progressed and turned sideways and went back to the beginning.

I'm hoping that if Robin hasn't already read Comfort, she will read it. I especially know that she will understand about the healing power of knitting. I know I do!

The Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children and Struggling with Depression

No...I am not going to go one-by-one through my original posts to find my reruns, but this review bears (not "bares", Leigh, my homophone-phobic friend) repeating because Tracy Thompson is awesome, depression plagues mothers well beyond the post-partum phase and because I suffer from depression and want to be as open as possible if it can help just one person not go through what I have gone through. Also, Tracy was gracious enough to correspond with me, signed my copy of the book and sent me a signed book to give Kitty Dukakis when I met her.

The Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children and Struggling with Depression is, to my knowledge, the only book to look at the serious illness of depression and how it affects mothers and their children.

The Ghost in the House will ring true for every mother who has struggled with depression, whether postpartum or other. It would also serve as a great resource for those who know or live with someone with depression.

Tracy Thompson pulls together and seamlessly blends her own experience as a mother who struggles with depression, the stories she gleaned from thousands of mothers who responded to her plea for women to share their experiences and hard scientific evidence about this illness and its impact on mothers who struggle with it and their families.

Far from being "depressing", this book gives hope by helping the reader understand the interplay of nature and nurture as well as a variety of insights on some of the solutions and strategies that have worked for others. Depression is a complex physiological illness that defies simplistic or pat answers and is further complicated by a mother's concerns about the impact of her illness on her children and on their psychological futures. Tracy Thompson encompasses all of this in The Ghost in the House.

Whether you personally struggle with depression, or even if you have an inkling of a suspicion that you do...or if you know anyone who is a Mom who you think might be struggling, you must read this book. I picked it up on Friday, finished it on Sunday. Since I do struggle with depression and have two children, I found it incredibly helpful. As a matter of fact, on Saturday night (while tailgating at the Dolphins game of all places) my ten year-old son asked if my depression would be passed down to him and because of what I had read in this book and I was able to give him an intelligent and well-founded answer!

I e-mailed Tracy Thompson to commend her on her book as well as her blog  Maternally Challenged She and I exchanged a couple of great e-mails. I have incredible respect for this author for her incredible candor and willingness to thumb her nose at any cultural stigma that may remain around the topic of depression and get it out there as a subject for discussion.

Di

The Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children and Struggling with Depression is, to my knowledge, the only book to look at the serious illness of depression and how it affects mothers and their children.

The Ghost in the House will ring true for every mother who has struggled with depression, whether postpartum or other. It would also serve as a great resource for those who know or live with someone with depression.

Tracy Thompson pulls together and seamlessly blends her own experience as a mother who struggles with depression, the stories she gleaned from thousands of mothers who responded to her plea for women to share their experiences and hard scientific evidence about this illness and its impact on mothers who struggle with it and their families.

Far from being "depressing", this book gives hope by helping the reader understand the interplay of nature and nurture as well as a variety of insights on some of the solutions and strategies that have worked for others. Depression is a complex physiological illness that defies simplistic or pat answers and is further complicated by a mother's concerns about the impact of her illness on her children and on their psychological futures. Tracy Thompson encompasses all of this in The Ghost in the House.

Whether you personally struggle with depression, or even if you have an inkling of a suspicion that you do...or if you know anyone who is a Mom who you think might be struggling, you must read this book. I picked it up on Friday, finished it on Sunday. Since I do struggle with depression and have two children, I found it incredibly helpful. As a matter of fact, on Saturday night (while tailgating at the Dolphins game of all places) my ten year-old son asked if my depression would be passed down to him and because of what I had read in this book and I was able to give him an intelligent and well-founded answer!

I e-mailed Tracy Thompson to commend her on her book as well as her blog  Maternally Challenged She and I exchanged a couple of great e-mails. I have incredible respect for this author for her incredible candor and willingness to thumb her nose at any cultural stigma that may remain around the topic of depression and get it out there as a subject for discussion.

A Most Uncommon Degree of Popularity

This is a fun book review to rerun because it was also my VERY FIRST POST on August 14, 2006. At the time, I had no idea where this blog thing was going, how much fun it would be and how many people I would "meet."

A Most Uncommon Degree of Popularity by Kathleen Gilles Seidel was recommended to me by my best friend for 20 something years Amy, who has a daughter who is a Junior at a private school in Boston. But private or public, the book will make you laugh and cry, see yourself, see your daughter, see your school, see the craziness of our society, etc. It is a quick read...good fiction. Describes so poignantly the phenomenon of girls and how mean they can be and how popularity can seem like the ultimate goal...and yes, how the moms want their kids to be happy (which in some cases means the MOMS are pushing them to be popular).

Some of you may not have heard my take on popularity which is this:

If popularity is defined as having more people like you than anyone else and there are more unpopular people than popular people and none of the unpopular people like the popular people then aren't "the populars", by definition, unpopular???

Hmmm....think about that for a few minutes...and if it seems like a conundrum go have a glass of wine and then think about it. It will still be a conundrum, but you will have enjoyed a lovely glass of wine while thinking about it!

I e-mailed the author with my kudos for the book and she was kind enough to send me a very nice reply. And as a somewhat bizarre coincidence, Amy who recommended the book to me was talking about it to her sister-in-law who was visiting them and it turns out that Carol, the sister-in-law knows the author! Amy is married to Doug  who is Carol's husband's brother. I remember being in Amy & Doug's wedding along with the brother and when it came time to figure out who got in whose car to go from the church to the reception, I went with Gordon because he had a bottle of Dom!!!! Carol wasn't at the wedding for some reason...pregnant maybe? And I'm not sure she knows I sped off with her husband because he had champagne...but that's as far as it went!

So, that is my first blog entry. Please give me feedback, share with your friends or whatever! I think that the next book I will review is The Ghost in the House by Tracy Thompson and from there, who knows!

Di

Dark at the Roots

Sometimes another blogger's book review just stops me, grabs me by the hair, drags me to the Quail Ridge Books website and forces me to order a book. Apathy Lounge's review of Dark at the Roots by Sarah Thyre was just such a review.

So, trust me. And if you need further inducement, she mentions Anne Lamott in the review! Here it is:

Apathy Lounge's review of Dark at the Roots

***Note to Joann: This is a memoir and I know you don't like memoirs, so don't feel compelled to click***

Di