One of the major signs of depression for me is the complete lack of joy in my life. I simply don't feel a sense of joy in things that once brought me joy. As a result, I really don't want to do much. I mean, why do something if it's not going to bring you joy. Life becomes a series of forcing myself to do things and going through the motions.
When I'm coming out of it, as I have been this past week or so, experiencing joy is remarkable, overwhelming, shocking...and SO welcome. I remember this moment in the Spring of 2006. I was in the middle of the worst depressive episode I have ever had and we visited our friends Danny & Sonya in Merritt Island. I took my kids and their daughter Katie to Cocoa Beach. Katie was probably around 3. I remember taking this picture because as I was sitting there, going through the motions, I felt an inexplicable moment of joy watching Katie build a hole in the sand.
You just never know what that moment will be. This week there have been quite a few...and they are getting more frequent. There was the night I went out to dinner with these two. 
Naturally, with the restaurant 3/4 empty, they sat a parent with a 2-year old girl in the booth next to us. (Those who know me well know that I have very little patience with parents who bring small children into restaurants and don't consider the comfort of the other diners...'nuf said on that for now.) Next thing you know, the 2-year old fell off the booth and onto her head. Screaming ensued. Waiters and waitresses swarmed. Managers appeared out of nowhere. I whispered to Rory and Abby, "You know what sucks? (When they reach the age of 14, it's perfectly acceptable to use the word "sucks" with them.) Those people will probably get a free meal because the managers are afraid they will sue!" Rory responded, "Mom, I think the mother dropped her on the floor on purpose to get a free meal!" I told him that if HE told the managers that, maybe WE would get a free meal! Well, he didn't and we didn't, but we certainly got a lot of laughs out of it.
Thank you to all the wonderful readers who left comments and e-mailed me privately. I haven't had a chance to respond to every one of you individually because I am still catching up on three weeks of work around the house, on my desk, etc. But I'll get there!
Love, Di
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