I'm back?

I'm thinking about resurrecting my blog and revamping it into a blog about living with depression. Here is a post from two years ago when I was a guest of the Neurosciences unit at UNC Chapel Hill. What an incredible experience that was...living with people who were living with all kinds of mental illness.

http://www.liveandletdi.com/my_weblog/2008/01/the-colors-of-d.html

A few weeks ago, my recurrent Major Depressive Disorder reared its ugly head as it seems to do this time of year...seasonally related? Holiday related? Who knows. But it sucks...how's that for eloquent?

Compelled as I am to write, I made a list of what was bothering me...including:

Can't feel joy
Can't do laundry
Don't feel like doing anything
I don't know why I can't
Don't even want to shower
I feel useless - nobody needs me because I can't be relied on for anything

Well, I have news for you. Today I feel joy looking out at the snow with the sun shining on it. Yesterday I felt joy with the liveliness of having a houseful of teens, playing Dominos with Jenn and Jason, playing Apples to Apples with the kids, watching Wuthering Heights with Hurley, making French Toast for my family and yes, NOT TAKING A NAP. Not once. Not even struggling with feeling like taking a nap!

What got me here? I can't underestimate the impact of this:

http://www.liveandletdi.com/my_weblog/2008/01/shocking-news-f.html

I am just one of those people who responds to a periodic course of electricity applied to my brain. But it's also thanks to my husband who has driven carpool, done laundry, fixed meals, reminded me to take it easy, gently urged me to take on a little bit more every now and then.

The problem is that when I am in the abyss of a major depressive episode, I can't remember the joy, can't remember how I ever got through before, can't imagine it ever subsiding.

So I'm thinking that revamping this blog into living with Depression...as a wife, as a Mom, as a usually high energy person...might just help someone out there. Kind of the way Tracy Thompson helped me with her amazing book, The Ghost in the House: Real Mothers Talk About Maternal Depression, Raising Children, and How They Cope.

Look...I just felt joy in telling my husband that NO, I did not do the dishes...Haley came down at 10:30 last night and did it. Parent of teens have low thresholds of joy!

If you are out there and you want me to continue, let me know. If you know someone who might benefit from sharing and/or commiserating, please send them my way!

Comments

[joann]

I think this is a great idea. Maybe it would help you, too...... as you "slide" into the bad times you could read about and remember the everyday joy you have had.

And maybe a book review every once in a while ;-)

L,J

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a wonderful idea. Please do it.

[Di]

I was thinking the same thing!

[Jennifer]

i'm a long-time reader and i've been wondering where you've been. i was hoping that you were doing ok. you should know that you've been missed and that I was thinking about you.

i particularly missed your book reviews.

i was also wondering what you thoughts were when the whole John Edwards scandal broke. I know you are a fan of Elizabeth Edwards.

Defintely come back to blogging!!

[amy]

I would like your presence in as many internet capacities as possible, no matter what the topic.

I think this is a good idea; as you know from your experience, sometimes a sliver of hope is all it takes to get you where you need to be.

[Elizabeth]

I've been a lurker for quite some time on your Mom2Mom blog. I love reading your commentaries. I used to work for Hurley several years ago and I believe I may have met you a time or two at one of the Christmas parties. All that aside...I think that this would be a great topic. I too suffer from depression, but I am lucky enough that medication does help. It's hard to explain to someone that has never dealt with that hopeless, helpless feeling that renders you nearly useless to everyone. It really is comforting to know that there are others out there that are fighting the same battle. I think I will grab Tracey Thompson's book...so thanks for that recommendation. Please tell Hurley I said hello. Take care and I look forward to your future posts.

[Di]

Amy is one of my first fans. My inspiration. My occasional substitute writer.

Glad youre here!

[Rebecka]

I really think you should continue to tell of your battles with depression because you are one of the few that are in touch enough with yourself to at least recognize what you are feeling. I hope that makes sense.LOL It is so good to read about someone else that is or has experienced things you have, just a bit of reassurance that you are not crazy, the only one, etc. Please and Thank you!

[Kip]

Di, has anyone mentioned hormone replacement?

[Di]

Believe it or not, I havent even hit menopause yet. They tested and I dont even show signs of pre-menopause. I had a hysterectomy, but still have my ovaries.

I have to change doctors because were changing insurance, so I will definitely ask again. Im up for anything that takes this monkey off my back. Thanks for thinking of me.

On Feb 23, 2010, at 4:12 AM, Tysho

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Di, has anyone mentioned hormone replacement?

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