I'm still here

I'm hanging in there...hanging on a rope made of the love of my husband, the understanding of my friends and some twine of things I've learned after numerous bouts with this Beast* called Depression.

*  I borrow the term The Beast from Tracy Thompson whose book of the same name provided a turning point in my understanding of this illness. Her subsequent book, The Ghost in the House, seemed to be written directly to me.

I am bouyed by the thoughts, prayers and support of family far away who are often wrenched by their inability to do something to help me.

For perhaps the first time, I'm doing something for myself. Now I don't kid myself that I would have any chance without my safety net of friends and family. But with their support, and the support of surprising people, even some strangers, I'm able to take ownership of my illness, permit myself to be kind to myself, allow myself to say "No" without explanation and know that my friends will understand...and most importantly, won't stop asking.

I'm even knitting a prayer shawl...inspired by my friend Robin whose blog always touches me. She started it as a journal and a way to keep in touch while her Mom was dying. Now that her Mom has passed away, it is a journal of her grief. I won't share the link to Robin's blog unless and until I get her permission. I don't know if it something she wants shared publicly. Here's my prayer shawl so far:

So, I'm going to be fine. I just need to get through this week. And I know I will because of the endless levels of support I can count on from all of you.

Di

Comments

[JoAnn]

Di, there is just something about knitting that soothes the soul and binds up our troubles.

I recently read Ann Hood's "Comfort, A Journey Through Grief" in which she travels through the grieving process following her young daughter's death. A large part of this process was learning to knit and making things.

Hugs
JoAnn

[Shirley]

Wow, I didn't know you could knit. Its beautiful Di. My grandmother taught me to knit but I haven't tried it lately. Maybe someday we could start a BW knitting/fiber arts group. I was in a Weaver's Guild when I lived in Boulder CO. It was good therapy for me then- I was getting out of a short mistake of a marriage @ 23.

I also think hanging clothes out on the line is good therapy. Our clothes line is hidden between the covered porch and bedroom area and the trees between our yards so even putting out the underwear is ok. We also make Michael hang his clothes out. He always needs mellowing and this is a good exercise for him.

[Nicholas]

Well knitted!

Hugs, and all good thoughts and wishes to you.

[Robin]

I am not sure my shawl looks like yours.. For some reason, yours is BIGGER.. I am not sure how this is since I started 3 weeks before you. I'm okay with you sharing my blog. It's okay for it to come out now.

Robin