We've managed to avoid The Fair ever since, but this year it became somewhat unavoidable when my WONDERFUL friends offered to take my kids and I, in a moment of utter insanity, offered to take 4 young teens on a SATURDAY NIGHT to see Sara Evans (Suds in the Bucket) in concert. In my vast experience, I have discovered a minimum of 13 things that terrify me about The Fair:
1. Livestock Exhibits - they smell...really bad.
2. Children and Livestock - they allow children to hold baby chicks.
3. Lost Children - there is actually a published icon for lost children which leads me to believe that lost children are a common occurence. I just wonder how many people head back to the mountains with fewer children than they came with!
4. Fair Rides - trust me, I am the first person ready to get in line for the Tower of Terror, Splash Mountain or the Summit Plummet when we are at Disney parks...but those things are PERMANENT. This ride, on which my daughter and her friends are so happy, was recently at ANOTHER State Fair, then loaded on a truck, reassembled by possibly disgruntled or underpaid workers and run by distracted operators who probably figure that if one kid flies out, he will happily land at one of the lost children icons and be fine.
5. Demolition Derby and Tractor Pull - poor Sara Evans was singing her heart out at the concert the other night only to be overwhelmed by the screaming motors of the tractor pull.
6. Sheep & Pygmy Goat Exhibits - no explanation required!
7. Funnel Cake - this is a delicacy served at the NC State Fair...on which you can also add chocolate syrup if the 16,000 calories included in this fried concoction "sprinkled" with powdered sugar is just not quite enough for you. People plan their funnel cake consumption for the whole year.
8. Carnies - yes, they call to you as you walk down the Midway. Your first biggest fear is that your child will get sucked in and waste his/her money and walk away with nothing. Your second biggest fear is that your child will actually win some enormously large stuffed thing that will have to find a place to rest in your home.
9.Fried Oreo Cookies - I kid you not!
10. The Plethora of Disgusting Food In General - those items that are disgusting, but not so unique and disgusting as to deserve their own item on the list.
11. Traffic - ugh...we ended up stuck in it just trying to get to Quail Ridge Books for the Elizabeth Edwards book-signing on Tuesday. My recommendation...find your closest park-and-ride, pay the $5 round-trip and don't suffer on the highways.
12. Ubiquitousness - The Fair, talking about the fair, talking about what you did at the fair, telling which rides made you sick, bragging about how many times you've been to the fair...it's kind of like hearing "when are you due?" 20 times a day when you are pregnant!
13. The fact that I will probably go again next year - I must admit that with the park-and-ride, the $15 ticket for the Sara Evans concert, the great behavior of the four teens I took and the minimal claustrophobia and anxiety I suffered trying to find an exit...I will probably be talked into it again! I mean, who can resist these young teenage too-cool faces...posing with a giant chicken!!!
Di (who has spent WAY too much time on this and has no desire to fix any formatting errors, so deal with it!)
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