Live and Let Di

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 32)

If there is a National Bitching Week, I think this is it. It's the last week of school. The students, the teachers and from my perspective, the volunteers, can't wait for summer. Could this be contributing to my general bitchiness? Or is it just the accumulation of almost 16 years of being a wife and almost 14 years of being a mom?

13 THINGS MY FAMILY DOES/DOESN'T DO THAT MAKE ME CRAZY (AND I'M NOT EVEN INCLUDING BATHROOM-RELATED THINGS BECAUSE THIS ISN'T THE THURSDAY THIRTY-THREE!)

1. My kids walk into the kitchen, stand in the middle and say, "Where is the insert basic food staple here?" Come on...you've lived here as long as I have. And you are capable of opening and closing cupboards, pantry and refrigerator until you find something. Be resourceful!!!

2. My husband sits two feet away from me reading the newspaper or browsing on his computer and says "Hmmmm" or chuckles. If I say "What?" he ignores me so I've kind of given up saying anything. But why would one verbalize interest or amusement if not to share it with the person who is hearing that verbalization?

3. Some family member, no one admits to it, takes the band-aids out of the drawer, apparently applies the band-aid somewhere and leaves the empty band-aid wrapper and the box of band-aids on the counter. Apparently this family member believes that it is someone else's responsibility to throw out the band-aid wrapper and put the box of band-aids away. I think that they think that person is me!

4. My daughter likes to do her make-up and toiletry shopping in my bathroom. So I go to put on mascara and it's not there, go to use girlie shaving cream on my legs and end up having to use the manly stuff and reach for my hair "product" (hair is all about the "product") to find it inexplicably missing.

5. My husband starts talking to me from the bedroom when I'm in the kitchen fixing dinner or doing some other noise-producing task. He expects...and I suspect I have trained him to expect...me to leave what I am doing and come to the bedroom to hear what he has to say. If I have something to say, I not only have to go into the room he is in, but I also have to wait until he can extricate his attention from the computer, TV or newspaper.

6. Every family member complains to me when we are out of something. I am about 99% reliable when it comes to buying the stuff on my shopping list. The shopping list is almost always in the same location in the kitchen. I do not generally drink coke, drink juice boxes, eat waffles, eat ice cream or fix taquitos for a snack. I know enough to buy milk every time I go to the store, but if they need anything else, all they need to do is put it on the list. The disdain with which they indicate that we are out of something is palpable.

7. My children have not learned the value of "Yes ma'am" or "Sure, I'll get right on it" or even, "OK...can I wait until the next commercial?" when I ask them to do something. All they have to do is provide some indication of assent BEFORE complaining that "It's not fair!", "You never make insert sibling name here do anything!" or "What am I? Your slave?"

8. My husband constantly says, "I need you to insert tedious task here." I keep telling him that his "need" does not translate into my desire to do something. "Would you please?", "Honey, would you mind?" or "Do you have time to?" All of those introductions focus on ME (and it's all about me if he wants me to do something) and make it far more likely that I will a) do what he wants and b) actually do it with pleasure.

9. My kids are always saying, "Mom, come here...you have to see this thing on YouTube!" I hate YouTube. Whatever it is is at least 30 seconds long...and in that 30 seconds I could have picked up the band-aid wrapper that was left on the counter!

10. When I call them or ask them to do something, my kids sometimes reply, "Hold on!" No. "Hold on" is for the phone...and even then it should be preceded or followed by "please". "Yes Mom, I'll be right there!" or "Yes Mom, I'll do it in just a second!" would be so much more palatable.

11. When my husband is on the phone, we all hold our breath to ensure complete silence so as not to interfere with his call. When I am on the phone, it attracts my kids AND husband like a package of Carvel Flying Saucers. Family members who have not interacted with me other than the occasional grunt for days suddenly find themselves compelled to regale me with LONG stories about their day!

12. I don't work, so presumably from 8 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. I am available to run errands, go shopping, etc. However, the children find it necessary to wait until we are finishing dinner at about 8:30 to tell me they absolutely need a book, a spiral notebook, a glue stick, cupcakes for the entire class or 4 pieces of plexiglass cut to specific dimensions....and they need it TOMORROW!!!!

13. My kids will walk past their father who is vegging on the couch watching TV to interrupt me while I am on the phone, cleaning up the kitchen and folding laundry all at the same time to ask permission for something. ASK DADDY SOMETIMES...MAKE HIM FEEL NEEDED!!!

If this were a "real job", I would ask for a detailed job description, more money, a more impressive title and shorter hours....not to mention a cadre of assistants to do my bidding...kind of like I do my family's bidding!!! If you are reading this, family, I love you!

Di

 

 

The Whistling Season

I finished The Whistling Season by Ivan Doig a week or so ago and am finally getting around to writing my review. It sat by my bed for several months, originally recommended by Amy who I think read it when she was on Block Island last summer!

I would normally hesitate to read a midwest homesteader story, told from the perspective of a man looking back to his childhood. This type of story seems ripe for triteness or preciousness, neither of which appeal to me. The Whistling Season surprised me with its interesting storyline and surprisingly complex characters.

The Milliron family, a father and three boys who lost their mother recently, needs help around the house. Oliver Milliron surprises his son when he answers an ad for a woman reading "Can't cook but doesn't bite." After negotiations, Rose Llewellyn comes into their lives, bringing surprises along with her inability to cook.

The book neither diminishes nor romanticizes the lives of homesteaders, the charm of the one-room schoolhouse or the dangers of living the pioneer life in the early 20th century. As the eldest son in a family without a mother, Paul must grow up and shoulder adult burdens at a young age. Young Paul experiences his coming-of-age while studying under a new and inspiring schoolteacher who challenges his mind. He learns both from the schoolhouse and from the behaviors and actions of the adults that he encounters.

The Whistling Season is worthy of your time if you enjoy meandering through a well-told story written beautifully. It will not grab you and beg you to finish it...but it will creep up on you and invite you into a world in which you will enjoy your time spent.

Di

The Snake Pit

I walked into our weekend house on Saturday, leaving my husband on the phone in the car and the children still extricating themselves from the various cords and electronic devices they needed to fill the excruciating 2.5 hour drive. I opened the back sliding glass door to take a big cleansing breath and take in the beauty and peace of the water. As I walked by a planter (with a fake plant in it, natch, since I can't sustain a real plant at the home I live in full time), I decided to check if there was a key in there since it was one of my hiding places. I pulled up the fake moss surrounding the plant and saw something orange-ish...and it slithered!!!! I screamed and ran back out. Then I came back and took a picture. Then my husband yelled at me for going back out there with my camera.

Anyway, the purpose of the picture was to determine if it was a dangerous snake or not. When I blew up the picture to look closely at the markings, here is what I saw:

If you look carefully, you can see the orange-ish color and the markings. This meant nothing to us, so we called our friend Danny to come over and help us. When I jumped and screamed at first, I didn't look closely because I was too startled. Then when I looked at this picture, I saw anaconda with a body as big as my arm curled up and waiting to strike from the seemingly innocuous planter. Danny came in with his gun, prepared to shoot it. But the planter was in a corner, backed by concrete walls, so Danny figured it wouldn't be wise to take a chance on the bullet ricocheting and killing one of us. THAT would sure put a damper on my birthday weekend!!!

We called Animal Control and they promised to send someone. So we took turns keeping watch from a chair by the sliding glass door. Text messages were flying with my friends, including Andrea who encouragingly texted, "F*** the planter! Shoot it!!!"

After a couple hours, one of Brevard County's finest was at our door. I'm showing him my picture on my laptop...he didn't even flinch...just walked out there, reached his hand in and:

Yes, tales of the snake's size may have been slightly exaggerated due to the clarity of my zoomed-in photograph. We were informed that it was a harmless red rat snake...I'm sorry, but a critter that includes BOTH "rat" and "snake" in its name is not something I want to be too close to. Apparently they are good to have in your yard because they eat cockroaches and other stuff that you don't want in your house.

Even my son, after great consideration and hesitance, briefly touched it:

A red rat snake wasn't exactly the birthday surprise I was looking for...but it will make it a memorable day!

Di

Boobs, Movies and Food

I am going to get so many hits from Google and so many disappointed Googlers based on the title of this blog!!!

Wednesday night my husband put together a "surprise" dinner. He was very clever about planning it. He called me on Saturday morning and said, "You know, I've been thinking, I really should get your friends' numbers." Now, me being the naive, dumb babe that I am...it never occurred to me that this might have something to do with my birthday which was seven days away!!! The locale was still kept from me and Vicky was the most surprised because all week she thought I really didn't know about it. Fortunately Vicky has a great "day job" because her acting abilities would probably not sustain her as she casually said on the phone on Wednesday, "OK, then I guess I'll see you later this week!" Not terribly convincing, Vicky!

Our entourage of three couples trekked to Fort Lauderdale in Stacy's blue "fagmobile" (that's what she calls her minivan, so please don't Imus me about the use of that word...for which, by the way, I have STILL not forgiven Burke from Grey's.) I still didn't know the locale and when we pulled into a strip mall and passed a Walgreens, I got nervous. I had visions of us buying booze at the Walgreens liquor store and standing in the parking lot drinking it from paper bags.

The valet parking tipped me off that we were probably safe from the "booze in the paper bag" surprise party. I was then escorted into another realm, a world unto itself....Cafe Martarano. This place is so cool that it doesn't NEED a website, so I just linked to some reviews. I had heard about it from my husband who has been there frequently for business dinners and was dying to go sometime. We walked in and were enveloped by the eerie neon-ish light. The tiny restaurant seats maybe 50 people, doesn't take reservations and people giggle when they are fortunate enough to only have to wait an hour (on a Wednesday night at the utterly uncool...remember, we arrived in a blue minivan, so we kind of define uncool...hour of 6:30 p.m.)

There are TVs everywhere showing scenes from The Godfather, Goodfellas, etc. As Donnie (Vicky’s husband, a MAJOR movie buff) looks up at a screen only to see a topless woman. His jaw dropped and Vicky deadpanned, “Boobs, movies and food…Donnie’s happy!”

My husband ordered for everyone and the food just kept coming with every dish being better than the last. The lobster was the best I have ever tasted. The pastas were all freshly made. Even the cappuccino was incredible. But the best part was the friends…laughing, talking and just being together.

And there is a fourth item (besides the boobs, movies and food)… music. A wise man (Nicholas from A Gentleman's Domain) paraphrased this quote to me:

"Extraordinary how potent cheap music is...."   Noel Coward

And did we ever prove it that night! Now, when we (I say we even though four of the six of us were three or more years younger than me) were in our partying days, DJ’s were spinning records. Now it’s a young guy with a MacBook, iTunes and a playlist! The music was from our era, every song prompting, “OK, name the artist…what year was it.” It was a little annoying when I would say, “Oh, this takes me back to college” and the others would chime in, “This takes me back to high school!”

The place is noisy and boisterous and Stacy and I sang along with “It’s too late” by Carole King with every ounce of music in our bodies! At one point, “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye was playing and I found myself swaying to the music, eyes closed thinking of my old boyfriend Chris who was doing all of my sexual healing in 1983. I looked over and Michael had his eyes closed, obviously in his own reverie about his memories of sexual healing. Then Vicky said, “This song reminds me of my grandmother!” Talk about a mood-killer!!! Seems that Vicky (who was a small child in 1983, I think) was in the car with her old Cuban grandmother when “Sexual Healing” came on…Abuela was horrified and the kids were mortified.

There is this strange phenomenon that happens when we go out…the more Stacy drinks, the funnier I get! She laughs at everything I say. And then I start laughing at her laughing at me. I laughed so much that my face hurt! Here’s me and Stacy laughing at dinner earlier this month:

Stacy also gets very grandiose ideas when she drinks (and we are talking 2 drinks…it doesn’t take much)…she wanted to get “Tapestry” from my iPod, no she wanted to download everything on my iPod…that night. She was going to spend the night at my house. But really, it was too early to go home…we should go out!!! Of course, we went back to our house, had another glass of wine and called it a night. But it was fun thinking that we might have it in us to party like it was 1999!

My husband gets big-time husband points for putting together a phenomenal evening!!!

Di

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 31)

The countdown continues with just three more days until I turn 45...which, if my genetics plays out, should be about the halfway point for me.

1. Helena Bonham Carter (1966) - maybe I'll celebrate by speaking with a Britsh accent all day on Saturday.

2. Lenny Kravitz (1964) - didn't he date Nicole Kidman? That makes me feel kind of young.

3. Genie Francis (1962) - Laura, of Luke & Laura!

4. Stevie Nicks (1948) - Or I could celebrate by wearing long flowing, scarfy dresses.

5. Philip Michael Thomas (1949) - Crockett or Tubbs...who remembers.

6. Pam Grier (1949) - Foxy Brown...this year I am going to try to get a cool nickname like "Foxy"

7. John Wayne (1907) - Or maybe ride a horse...I've never ridden a horse.

8. Kylie Ireland (1972) - I don't know who that is and frankly I'm not interested in anyone ten years younger than me. Wait, is Patrick Dempsey ten years younger than me?

9. Miles Davis (1926) - Kind of Blue...Kind of Cool!!!

10. Peggy Lee (1920) - She sang "Big Spender"...very cool.

11. Isadora Duncan (1877) - I'm not really sure what she did...but I think she was kind of wild...maybe I'll read a book about Isadora Duncan this year.

12. Carol B., Eddie C., Ken F. and Susan S....all friends of mine who share my birthday! Maybe they aren't famous to you!

13. Me...famous in my own mind...I blog, therefore I am famous.

Di

Friends

One of my favorite lines from Pretty Woman (one of my favorite movies) is:

Edward Lewis: It's just that, uh, very few people surprise me.
Vivian: Yeah, well, you're lucky. Most of 'em shock the hell outta me.

It's kind of like kids...you think you know them inside and out...and then they shock the hell outta you.

PART I:
The picture above is my son Rory and his best friend Ross. The two of them have so much in common...great sense of humor, obsessive interest in sports, etc. Individually and together, they can completely hold their own in a discussion with adult sports fans about players, positions, draft possibilities, who's going from college to the NBA, etc. You think 11 year olds would make decisions based on 11 year old priorities...like who has the best X-Box game, whose parents will allow them to drink five sodas in an hour, who the sap mom is (you guessed it!) that will let them take over the kitchen, make brownies and eat the whole pan within an hour. (OMG, I know Ross's mom is never going to let him come over here again.)

Anyway, Ross got accepted to a local public school that is considered one of the best, with a reputation for having the best technology program for a middle school. The majority of his friends are going to the regular middle school they are slated for ... also a good school, but not one for which you must apply. Ross and his family wavered for a couple of weeks. Ross is nothing if not social and has a lot of friends. So of course he wanted to be with them. He went to the other school for a tour and was impressed. Then he got back to school and his friends swayed him back. But finally, he went to the orientation for the technology school and told his parents, "I'm going!" Wow...a pretty mature decision for an 11 year old.

We've assured the boys that we will go out of our way to get them together, whether it's Starbucks and Einsteins before school (which starts at the deplorable-to-moms-who-want-to-have-a-life hour of 9:15 a.m.) With IM, Video IM and X-box live, they will practically live together after school anyway. But wow...good decision Ross.

PART II:
Each morning when we go to school, there is a radio show on that does this thing called "Phone Tap" where someone arranges for the radio to play a joke on someone by phone. Sometimes it's a radio person pretending to be the principal of the school, telling the parent that their kid has done something incredibly inappropriate and then the kid gets on the phone and defends him or herself that yes, they did it, but they were justified and the principal is an idiot. By the time we usually get in the car, the radio person is taking personal pot shots at the parent and things get pretty heated. At this point, all parental propriety has gone out the window and the parent is about to go down to the school and punch someone out. The language can get a little dicey.

Well, this morning, my son who is a Safety Patrol...that sanctified bastion of 5th grade status and responsibility (weren't they the geeks when we were in school?)...got a ride with my husband and they were listening to this morning's phone tap. The window was down and my son was about to get out of the car. Gathered nearby was a clutch of tiny kindergarteners and 1st graders. Rory reached over and turned the radio off. My husband (who was of course completely sucked in to the show) said, "Why did you do that?" My son (who has been known to curse like a sailor at times...we have no idea where the F*** he gets if from) said, "Dad, this isn't appropriate for these little kids to hear those expletives!"

PART III:
And this one is kind of serious. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you probably remember Casey, my son's friend who was in and out of the hospital for a couple of months battling Ulcerative Colitis. After trying several medications, a couple of blood transfusions, steroids and all the pretty side-effects that they bring...she is going to have surgery. She's a brave kid...she showed that throughout her dealings with the illness, hospitalizations, missing big events, etc. But the other day, she shocked the hell outta everyone.

She asked if she could speak to her 5th grade class about her illness and upcoming surgery. Even the teacher thought it would be an uncomfortable, 5 minute thing. But it ended up that Casey brought an outline of things that she wanted to say, she described everything from the colonoscopy to the surgery in great detail and patiently answered questions from the kids for 45 minutes. There was no giggling about the "scatological" (Casey's looking that up right now as she reads) nature of the illness or surgery or about the body parts involved. To say that it "shocked the hell outta" the teacher would be an understatement. She said, "It was a very poignant moment in my teaching career and one that I will never forget.  Casey, you are the bravest girl I know for handling your condition with grace and talking about it openly to dispel the stigma involved.  You are my hero! "

That's Ms. Root on the left, looking only slightly bigger than Casey on the right.

So the next time your child drives you crazy by leaving his/her backpack in the middle of the kitchen where you trip on it or has a hissy fit because you won't let him/her get a cell phone (I know, that only seems to apply to me...the lone hold out in the 11 year olds having cell phones controversy) or copies all of his/her iPod tunes over yours on YOUR iPod...remember...there will be moment, and probably many, where your child will "shock the hell out of" you...in a good way. In a way that tells you that you didn't scar him/her for life when you skipped over those pages of the Dr. Seuss book because you wanted to go watch Melrose Place, or when you didn't sign them up for the dance class because it conflicted with your Bunco night (insert Book Group, Mah Jongg or whatever excuse YOU have for getting together with your girlfriends and laughing and drinking wine) or when you only half listened to the excruciatingly long story about "like, she goes blah blah blah, and then he goes, blah blah blah" because you were reading or writing blogs.

These moments tell you...you're doing a good job. You're doing the best you can with what you have to work with. Your kids will rise to occasions that you never expected them to. And yes, they will shock the hell outta you!

Di

Rock Star Golfer

This is Sharis:

This is Sharis. Sharis is one of my best friends. She is one of my favorite people to golf with. She doesn't take it too seriously. She's more about the friends, the fashion and the cocktails...my kind of golfer! She just started golfing about 2 years ago...and yesterday she GOT A HOLE IN ONE!!!

It was on the 3rd hole at Bentwinds...over the water...one of the toughest greens on the course. And I wasn't there. She was there when I broke 100...it kills me that I wasn't there for her hole-in-one!!!

So, if you want to send her congratulations, please send an e-mail to:

SharisRockStarGolfer@mac.com

I'm hoping to add congratulations from my blog readers from all over the world to my incredible excitement over her amazing golf feat!

Di

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 30)

With a mere nine days until my 45th birthday, I am pretty sure it is deserving of not only the national three-day weekend of celebrating Di's birth (AKA Memorial Day Weekend), but at least two Thursday Thirteens...with a possible third for "Di's Birthday, the Aftermath". But for today:

THIRTEEN OTHERS WHO WILL BE TURNING 45 THIS YEAR

1. Most of the Brat Pack - Including Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez. Watch St. Elmo's Fire and you can cover them all in one movie!

2. Several Residents of Melrose Place - Including Daphne Zuniga Jo Reynolds), Gina Gershon (Ellen), Grant Show (Jake Hanson), John Enos (Bobby Parezzi), Marcia Cross (Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini...can she PLEASE get back to Desperate Housewives soon!!!)

3. Athletes Who Make More Money Signing an Autograph than I Ever Did in a Week when I Worked - Evander Holyfield, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Bo Jackson (Bo Knows!), Jerry Rice, Patrick Ewing, Roger Clemens, Darryl Strawberry

4. Desperate Housewives - me, Karen of verbatim, Amy, Felicity Huffman (love her on DP, but would trade her to bring back Sports Night, the best, most underrated sitcom ever), Marcia Cross (whose Bree will turn out to be as memorable as Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini in television dramedy history)

5. Musicians Who Make More Money when One of their Songs is Played than I Ever Did in a Week when I Worked - Axl Rose, Clint Black, Garth Brooks, Jon Bon Jovi, Taylor Dayne (Tell it to My Heart!), Trace Adkins, Sheryl Crow

6. Actors I Really Miss on TV - Anthony Edwards (who didn't fall in love with the balding Dr. Green?), Andre Braugher (Homicide), Greg Germann (I think he invented the concept of snarkiness on Ally McBeal before the word was ever coined), Sharon Lawrence (besides being a Raleigh native, I just LOVED her on NYPD blue), Felicity Huffman (please, please bring her back in a reprise of Sports Night even if she has to succumb to lymphoma on DP to make it happen)

7. Actors I would Love to see on More TV - Adam Baldwin (can't he be on 30 Rock as Jack Doneghy's crackhead younger brother?), Aida Turturro (I lost interest in the Soprano's a while back, but wouldn't she be cool as, let's say, a different kind of girlfriend for Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men?)

8. Someone Who would NOT be Invited to my Birthday Party - Tom Cruise (don't need anyone except my 85-pound doberman jumping on my couches - plus I will probably never forgive him for his tirade against Brooke Shields using anti-depressants to treat her postpartum depression).

9. Someone Who could Go Hang Out with Tom Cruise during my Birthday Party - Rosie O'Donnell (the last time I thought very highly of Rosie was when she was in A League of Their Own...and her fate was sealed when I read her blog and found out that she can barely put together a sentence.)

10. People Who Have Spouses (or ex-spouses) Who Are As Famous or More Famous than They Are - Kelly Preston (John Travolta), Matthew Broderick (Sarah Jessica Parker), Ralph Fiennes (ex is Alex Kingston - remember Dr. Corday from ER?), Lou Diamond Phillips (ex is Julie Cyper former spouse of Melissa Etheridge), Suzy Amis (formerly married to Jason Robards and after Titanic, married James Cameron), Felicity Huffman (do you think I have a crush on her or something? She's married to Bill Macy).

11. Someone Who Consistently Makes me Laugh - Jon Stewart (makes me laugh AND gave us Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert).

12. Actresses Who Can Steal Any Scene They Are In - Laura San Giacomo (who can forget Kit in Pretty Woman, "What, you want me to name someone? You want like a name? Oh, God, the pressure of a name... I got it. Cindafuckin'rella!"), Joan Cusack (blue eye-shadowed, big-haired Cyn in Working Girl, [Looking through Katherine Parker's wardrobe] "Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!")

13. Someone Who is Sadly Not Here to Turn 45 - Steve Irwin.

Di

 

Thanksgiving

I am not confused about my holidays...nor am I going to take this opportunity to thank my mother, my grandmothers and various surrogate mothers throughout my life who have helped to shape who I am today.

This year Mother's Day is a milestone for me. My thanks are to the shadow of myself that you see here in a picture from last Mother's Day, when I was REALLY trying to pull it together and be there for my kids. I am sweeping my vanity aside because if there is anyone out there who reads this and thinks that depression is a "mood" or an "attitude", I dare them to look at this picture and think I should have just "pulled myself up by my bootstraps" or "taken up a hobby" or "gotten out more."

A year ago I was in the depths of a "major depressive episode" that would not respond to medication. It had begun months before, but by Mother's Day, I was rarely out of bed. I had ceased to feel any emotions. Joy was a distant memory and even my sadness felt devoid of true feeling. Seeing this picture, among the others taken on Mother's Day, was my wake-up call that something needed to happen or my life would be over....not literally...but there is no life if I can't experience:

• the joy of my children doing the cha cha slide
• the exasperation at how they leave their socks on the floor and in the cushions of the couch
• the tenderness of finding them asleep on the floor because they've come in our room in the middle of the night
• the consternation of deciding the appropriate consequence when they screw up
• the satisfaction when I overhear them say an unsolicited "thank you" to someone
• the awe of sharing the love of a book with them like when Haley and I both read Marley & Me and Rory's enthusiasm enticed me to reread The Outsiders

With so much to be thankful for today, my thanks go out mostly to the woman in the picture above. Somehow, she made the decisions that resulted in my being here today to write this. She couldn't have done it without the help of a support group that included my heroic husband, my understanding-beyond-their-years children, my always-there-in-exactly-the-way-you-need-her-to-be sister, my "assistant" and lifeline Teri, my understanding parents, the North Carolina child care team, Amy who has been there for everything for well over 20 years, my insightful therapist and my willing-to-try-whatever-I-was psychopharmacologist.

A month after that picture was taken, I was in the middle of a series of six ECT (aka electroshock, it's not just for McMurphy anymore) treatments that saved me from a life of defiantly going through the motions, only to collapse from the effort and burrow deeper into my bed.

The woman in the first picture is now the woman in this picture, enjoying life today in a way that seemed utterly impossible a year ago. Notice that I didn't let my vanity choose the most flattering picture of me (that would be the picture on the "About Me" part of my blog...after just having my hair done and my make-up done at the incomparable Salon Oasis of Boca). In this picture my cheeks are a little chipmunky, my gums are a little too prominent and there might be one more chin than I would really like showing...but my eyes show that elusive quality that people who are struggling with depression cannot fathom...JOY.

The joy in my eyes and in my heart is reinforced by the love of my husband who went to the dark place with me and helped to pull me back, never once giving up on me or our marriage.

If anyone reading this is single, take my advice and given the choice between the man who is going to change the diapers and the man who is going to tenaciously take the reins to keep his family on track, choose the latter.

The joy is both multiplied and tested by my children...let's face it...it's not all lollipops and blue ribbons. Adolescence is hard and parenting is hard...put them together and life is a tinder box. But we can't say it's not interesting. And the moments when we really connect and see past the day-to-day socks-in-the-couch, homework-not-done stuff are the moments we will remember and from which our future relationship will spring.

 

Haley with one of her surrogate Moms, Stacy and Rory with his friend Ross. If I've taught them nothing in life beyond how to be a friend, I feel like I've succeeded.

The joy is shared by the women who have become my friends...a term I don't use lightly (well, I kind of use it lightly...but everyone knows what I mean)...in the past several months.

I picked Laura up at Starbucks on the first day of school. Vicky and I had an on-line crush before we actually met.

Andrea can be my conscience when I haven't been at spin class in a while, but can also uncork a bottle of wine at 4 p.m. and spontaneously add three people for dinner without blinking an eye. She's spontaneous, insightful, candid, irreverent and a reader...if they had a E-Harmony for friends, they definitely would have put us together...and we would have lived happily ever after!

Stacy and I started by e-mail, but solidified in the trenches of last-minute Room Mom party planning...as well as my ability to make her the perfect margarita! We've survived the vicissitudes of our children's pre-adolescent flirtation, "love" and friendship. Being able to be her friend during her daughter's long hospitalization was the karmic closure I needed to "repay" the debts to those who were there for me during my illness.

So, for this year anyway, my Mother's Day is a milestone of surviving, thriving, thankfulness, family, friends and living life to its fullest. For now, that is enough. Maybe next year I'll just want breakfast in bed.

Di

Shirley & Me

Some of you may remember Shirley who was my guest blogger while I was in Ireland. Her blog about Marley & Me by John Grogan kept my clamoring blog public at bay while I was quaffing ale at a variety of Irish pubs.

Shirley is my next door neighbor at our house in North Carolina. She is an animal lover, an animal advocate, a vegan, a voracious reader, a former flight attendant, a meticulous keeper of journals, a master gardener and a good friend. I am one of the few people I know who can go away for the summer and slide right into a book group just for a couple of months...thanks to Shirley. Not only THAT, but she generously shares her organically grown tomatoes with me as they ripen during the summer, making the most AMAZING tomato sandwiches (for the purists, that means on white bread with Hellman's...or possibly Duke's...mayonnaise with just a touch of salt). I can eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Recently, Shirley was fortunate enough to meet John Grogan at a book signing that he did at Quail Ridge Books (which I have often mentioned is the best independent bookstore in the world, conveniently located in Raleigh, NC). QRB has an amazing array of special programs. In addition to hosting authors who are on book tours, they have a wonderful collection of signed copies of books by local North Carolina authors, book clubs for adults and kids alike, musician performances, etc.

I'm a little envious that Shirley got to meet John Grogan...but I'm sure there will be plenty of events this summer to keep me entertained.