Live and Let Di

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 19)

13 Memorable Pieces of Dialogue from TV
(paraphrased as best as we can remember them!)

1. From Friends - Janice speaking, "Buy me a vowel, because OH my God!" I was particularly proud of myself because last time I saw that on Friends in syndication, I was able to use it later that evening at a dinner party!!! Yes, I know...there go all my dinner party invitations!

2. From Frasier (contributed by Laura) - Niles: "I was a bit of a badass myself in high school." Frasier: "That's right, Niles. You wore your inhaler rolled up in the sleeve of your t-shirt."

3. From Designing Women - Charlene speaking, "I asked this Northern woman, "Where are ya'll from?" And she said, "I'm from a place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions." So I said, "Okay, where are ya'll from, bitch?"

4. From Saturday Night Live (contributed by Andrea) - Dan Aykroyd speaking, "Jane, you ignorant slut!" This resonates with me because every sentence my children speak to me has that unspoken, but clearly intended "you ignorant slut" at the end of it.

5. From Everybody Loves Raymond - Debra speaking after Ray complains about how the kids behaved while she was out, "That's funny, because when I'm here they sit quietly and read Bible stories!"

6. From Grey's Anatomy - Derek AKA McDreamy speaking to Meredity, "And just for the record, I am your knight in shining whatever." (Contributed by my daughter Haley who adds that, "Mom added 'Yes, you are!'" a fact that can be confirmed by both Haley and Stacy who were curled up in my bed watching it with me.) Could it be knight in shining lab coat?

7. From 30 Rock (my new favorite show with Rory) - Tracy speaking, "I love cornbread so much I want to take it behind the middle school, and get it pregnant."

8. From Scrubs - Elliott speaking on several episodes, "Frick, frick, frick!"

9. From The Brady Bunch (contributed by Andrea) - Jan speaking, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" In those three iterative words, Jan captures the pain and angst of being the middle child.

10. From thirtysomething - Di talking to Amy circa 1988 - "I want to be Hope. But I am so Ellyn."

11. From Seinfeld (contributed by Andrea) - Elaine speaking to her ladies' room neighbor, "Can you spare a square?" Finally, the plight of every woman who has ever used a public restroom brought to light!

12. From The Office - Michael Scott speaking, "That's what she said!"

13. From 24 - Jack Bauer speaking, "I need you to trust me!" (Now, not to put too fine a point on it, but after all these seasons, don't these people know that trusting Jack Bauer has as much chance of saving them as killing them?)

Please, please, please comment with all of the wonderful quotes I missed! I was desperately trying to find a quote associated with Roz's surprise demise on LA Law.

Di

Snail Mail Sunday (Vol. 7)

***TypePad and I had some technical difficulties that precluded this from posting on Sunday. Special thanks to Mister Linky for helping me figure out the HTML code problem!***

This Snail Mail Sunday thing is catching like wildfire...in a forest that has been rained on for several weeks! But I'm not giving up...I'm taking it one comment at a time and when it explodes, I'm going to get Hallmark to sponsor me and I'm going to retire. Oh wait! I am retired!

So who will be the recipient of my hand-written note this week?

OK, I've got it. There is a great story to go along with it. There are two things that you must know about me before I proceed:
1. I've never met a stranger (this is my husband's phrase)
2. I'm really good at keeping in touch, especially since e-mail came into my life (I type fast and love to write...a great combo for keeping in touch!)

In 1989, I was 27, single and had a pretty good job. I wanted to take a great vacation, but none of my friends could swing it, so what to do, what to do? I decided that I would go to Club Med. Having wanted to go to Martinique since I read about it in French class in high school, I got in touch with my travel agent (a somewhat elderly customer of the bank I worked for) and got her working on it. She came back to me and gently said, "I don't know you very well, but the Club Med in Martinique kind of has a reputation as being for, well, swingers." OK, so not for me. She suggested Cancun and I booked it.

At Club Med, if you are traveling alone, they put you with a roommate. By the night before my trip, I was a nervous wreck. What if they put me with some crazy person? What if she smells bad? So, when I got there, I was delighted to find Barb, a single woman from San Francisco, a couple years younger than me, who was traveling with two of her male college buddies. Over that week, we met lots of other people, hung out on the beach, went snorkeling, flew to see the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza (with killer hangovers, I recall) and danced and partied like crazy. By the end of the week we were friends.

A few months later we had a Club Med reunion in San Francisco which was a blast. One of the guys rented a limo (a first for me) and we did the town. The only place I vividly remember was a club owned by Boz Skaggs. If you don't know who that is, please don't comment...you are too young to be reading my blog!

Over the years, Barb and I have kept in touch through several boyfriends, both of our marriages and each of us having two children. As a matter of fact, it was on the way to the airport to pick up Barb who was visiting for a few days that my husband proposed to me!

I haven't heard from Barb in a while and I have been thinking about her. I don't know if she reads my blog. I don't know if her e-mail address has changed. I'm quite certain that she has her hands full with two little ones (who probably aren't as little as I think they are because time just flies way too fast). And I know I don't want to lose touch with her permanently! So I am going to drop her a note and enclose a couple of pictures of me, Hurley and the kids.

So I guess that's my suggested theme this week....send a note to someone you've been out of touch with.

Di

Tender at the Bone

Oftentimes, I eat for comfort, like when I am suffering from a cold and nothing will satisfy me except for the Campbell's chicken noodle soup, Canada Dry Ginger Ale and Saltine crackers that my Mom gave me. Sometimes I read for comfort, knowing that David Sedaris will make me laugh, Anne Lamott will inspire me (while making me laugh) and Entertainment Weekly will distract me. Having now completed Ruth Reichl's Tender at the Bone, I can say with certainty that reading Ruth Reichl's food-focused memoirs is a wonderful combination of the two.

In the true Di tradition of doing things the hard way, I read Ruth Reichl's books in reverse order, starting with Garlic and Sapphires, continuing with Comfort Me with Apples and finally getting to her childhood and early adulthood in Tender at the Bone. What is it about Ruth Reichl that comforts me and soothes me when I am in a reading slump? I have compared her with Laurie Colwin who remains a food memoir icon more than 14 years after her untimely death. To me, Reichl and Colwin write memoirs marinated in culinary rapture and interspersed with recipes and this differentiates their books from recipe books with personal blurbs appearing periodically, case in point, Pat Conroy's Recipes from My Life. No offense to Mr. Conroy whose fiction remains some of the most vivid and memorable I have read, but the style and feel of his book is just not my cuppa Merlot if you know what I mean.

What is the difference? I feel that Ruth Reichl's life is steeped in food memories, food traditions, food adventures and loving food for the sake of food, above and beyond its incidental purpose of nourishing our bodies. It was Ruth Reichl who inspired me to try (and love...sorry Shirley) foie gras. It was she who made me read restaurant reviews with a completely different perspective. Thanks to Reichl, my menu-reading, ordering and whole restaurant experience is enhanced.  I cannot tell you which of Ruth Reichl's three food memoirs is best, but I can tell you it's a lot less confusing if you read them in chronological order!

Di

 

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 18)

GUEST AUTHOR ALERT!!! Tonight while I was sitting at my son's baseball practice (OK, actually sitting with my friend having a drink and dinner at a restaurant across the street from my son's baseball practice), my daughter Haley (13) and our friend Casey (11...the one who has been in the hospital for three out of the last four weeks) sat at the hospital and came up with this Thursday Thirteen for me. It's pretty much unedited except where I might insert an explanation of who someone is.

13 Things That Are Really Easy To Make Fun Of
By Haley and Casey. Or Casey and Haley, just to make Casey happy

1. Stacy (Casey's Mom) Ex. (On phone with Casey’s eight-year-old sister, Lindsay) “I love you sooo much. Yes, I love you too sweetheart, and we’re gonna wish on the same star. See that star in the sky? Yeah, that’s the same star I’m looking at. Now 1. . . 2. . .”
   
2. Diane (Haley's Mom) Ex. She says the word hip. Enough said.
   
3. Old Jewish Women- Ex. “Shayne Maidelah, eat some more! You’re too skinny, Bubbelah”
   
4. George W. Bush- Ex. By Casey, comedian and writer- “Hello my fellow Americanians. As y’all might know, I am y’all’s president, George W. Bush. The W stands for Walker. It also stands for watermelon. I like me some gewd watermelon. It’s juicy the way it runs down your elbows. I don’t like the seeds. The black ones. My daughters like cheese. We Bushes love us some gewd cheese. We like all kinds of cheese, the yellow kinds and the white kind and the blue and white tie-dye kind and the kind with the little holeys. I think that all Americanians should eat more cheese. I love the word grammatical. It’s like a party in my mouth”
   
5. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
   
6. AnnaSophia Robb
   “Dear Diary:
   I’m AMAZING! I mean, I star in the new Bridge to Terabithia movie AND I have a song!!! It’s called “Keep Your Mind Wide Open” and it’s so cool! Especially because the sun rains down LOLZ! I’ve gotten TONS of fan mail now! Here’s one:
   
   Dear AnnaSophia,
   I am really looking forward to seeing your movie, especially because you die at the end, so you can’t sing anymore! I’m actually pretty surprised you survived so long, because you probably sang a lot to that kid in the movie, so it’s actually pretty shocking that he didn’t just get it over with and put the world out of it’s misery, but you know, lawsuits and all.
   Love, Lacey Printz (And Ivy)
   P.S. I’ve been in the hospital for the past week and a half, and trying to figure out HOW IT COULD POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE and then I heard your song and realized IT COULD!!! Bye!
   
   Well, I don’t really know how to read, but because it was sent to ME, it has to be awesome! Duh! Anyway, thanks Lacey, I’ll be sure to remember you, along with the other “little people”.
   
   XOXO, AnnaSophia
   
7. Exposed- Ex. By Casey and Haley “Hi my name is Rick and I’m 24. I work as a server at the Olive Garden, but my dream job is to be a banana seller. I like long walks on the beach and Chinese Pizza. With bananas. Lots of bananas. My ex-boyfriend is named Ted and he jiggles. I cry at Rent and dislike wearing underwear”
   
8. Britney Spears- Ex. A bald woman. Who doesn’t have cancer. That’s a bit odd.
   
9. Ashley Tisdale- Ex. Lyrics from “Don’t Touch (The Zoom Song)” “If you wanna get somewhere/ Then boy don’t touch me there/ Just get up close and personal (personal)l/ Zoom zoom in under my skin/ Gotta slow down now to begin/ Baby don’t rush/ You can look but don’t touch” Her target audience? 7-12 year olds.
   
10. Casey- Ex. Used to be scared of the birthday song.. And this is a direct quote: (Casey on the song Headstrong by Ashley Tisdale) “It’s such a happy song! I hear the beginning and then the bass comes in and I get so excited!!”
    
11. Vanessa Hudgens- Ex. Can’t decide whether she reallyyy wants this guy or is just way too good for him. Her song, “Say OK” goes from “Say alright/ say OK/ will you stay with me through whatever” to her rapping or something saying “So decide whether you want to stay or go I don’t really care” or something along those lines. Also, in concert, she wears the shortest most skintight gold dress EVER. Her target audience? See above to Ashley Tisdale.
    
12. Hilary Duff- Ex. Her teeth are bigger than her head
    
13. Paula Abdul- Ex. Watch any episode of American Idol EVER and you’ll see why.

This blogger takes no responsibility beyond giving birth to one half of the writing team. This blog is especially dedicated to the Mommy bloggers who are dealing with potty training, taking the bottle away and getting the baby to sleep through the night. Welcome to your future!!!!

Di

Tears

"No one said life was going to be fair!" said the Mom flippantly to her children. Since my daughter is a frequent reader of my blog, she can be sure to attest that this mother is me. But, here I am with tears welling up in my eyes and overflowing onto my cheeks, screaming inside that LIFE ISN'T FAIR!!!!!

Where to start? Almost two years ago I left a town, a neighborhood and friends I had grown to love to start a new life in a somewhat very different new place. It seemed a little unfair, but I was up for a challenge. During a year that was punctuated by tears of loneliness, tears of frustration, tears of feeling inferior, tears of failure and tears of uncertainty, there was a group of women who never failed to remind me of the good in people and that there ARE people who reach out to others in need. One of those people was Brooke. Upon meeting her and to this day, I felt that she just had it all together. I never heard her say an unkind word about anyone and have rarely seen her without a genuine smile on her face.

We have grown closer as we have helped our mutual friend Stacy and her family as they deal with their child, Casey's illness and hospitalization. At one point as we were discussing how to manage our little project, Brooke mentioned CaringBridge to me. It is a place where families who are dealing with illness can communicate with the people who care about them, who want updates, who want to do something, etc. Brooke went on to say that she knew of CaringBridge because of a Mom she knew only from their yearly encounters as they dropped their sons off at camp, went for parent visitations and picked the boys up when camp was over. She then said something that I know now was an incredible compliment, "She is a lot like you in her writing and her personality."

I went to CaringBridge and after reading H's (I'm not going to put her name here because, although CaringBridge ends up reaching people outside one's own circle of friends and family, I just don't feel it would be appropriate) journal, I was truly humbled by Brooke's observation. We should all have H's strength, sense of humor, amazing marriage, maternal dedication and optimistic realism. H was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2005. After chemo and radiation, she and her family were optimistic that she had kicked it and moved on with their lives. In November 2006, the cancer was back and had spread insidiously throughout her body.

In the last few months, she has used her CaringBridge site to communicate to friends and family, to coordinate everything from school carpools to dance classes to meals to planning her son's Bar Mitzvah and to continue to share her positive worldview with whoever was fortunate enough to encounter her site. Today she sadly shares that, unless there is a miracle, today's entry will most likely be her last and that the remainder of her lucid moments and energy will be devoted to writing down advice for her four children. As she lacked the energy to continue the journal entry, her husband completed it with reminiscences of their wedding, memories of a special vacation, his amazement at what a great mom she is, appreciation to all of the people who have helped them and his undying love for his wife.

So, I am sitting here crying tears for H, her husband and her children...and tears that have been building in my heart for weeks and have only come out sporadically as I ponder the unfairness of what Casey and her family are going through. H's journal has touched me so deeply...and I am so honored that Brooke even compared me to her in terms of how we write, etc. I don't think I could ever have the courage that H has shown throughout this ordeal. I wish I could meet H and tell her how far-reaching her impact is.

I wish life could be just a little fair...fair enough to let a woman live to see her son's Bar Mitzvah, fair enough that an 11-year old girl doesn't have to know what a CAT scan is, fair enough that a family can get more than a few days of "normalcy" between hospitalizations...but still just a little unfair so we can still use it to teach our kids to appreciate the good fortune they have in life.

CaringBridge accepts donations and the first time I read H's journal I was inspired to donate. Maybe some of my blog readers will be inspired as well. Or maybe you will just do as much with your kindness and givingness to others to offset a little bit of the unfairness that life has dealt them.

I hope H's family will be OK with me quoting from a journal entry she posted less than a month ago:

I believe there are no coincidences in life.  Every situation teaches me a lesson which I internalize and move on. And so I feel each of you is in my life now for a reason. A special role that only you can fill. I especially noticed it these last few days. While I am a very spiritual person and believe in Angels, I have found more Angels on earth helping me on my journey than I can count.

Di

Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

What? Di reviewing a book here on Di's Book Blog? Imagine that. I would say I have been in somewhat of a book doldrums with some books like Me & Emma just not grabbing me enough to finish them. I was very pumped to read Arlington Park because of its great review in EW, but it lost me. I am definitely going to give it another try at another time, because I think it just caught me at the wrong time.

Laurie Notaro has this special way of kicking me in the ass and telling me, "Hey, remember, reading is supposed to be fun. It's not work. Although some may argue that it is good for you, it's entertainment!" So Autobiography of a Fat Bride became a "finisher" (not a "keeper" because I am going to return it to Vicky now that I have finished it).

Notaro writes without a net...unafraid of coming off as the fool or the butt of the joke. Singles who think about marriage and marrieds who fondly remember singlehood will both enjoy this book. Does the self-described "fat bride" find the perfect man? Of course not...she finds the right man, a "good enough" man...but she can still bitch about his lack of handyman skills, their inevitable miscommunications, the idiocy of the pictures and videos taking precedence over the wedding itself, etc.

My main critique of this book is that it is disjointed in many places. Some chapters seem to be stuck in for no particular purpose except that she had them written and wanted them in the book. An example would be Spooky Little Girl Like You, wherein our heroine as a 5th grader has a slumber party on her birthday which happens to fall on Halloween. Cute story...just doesn't fit with the rest of the book IMHO. Another one, Grin and Bare It, detailing her experience at a Playboy Playmate audition, is a funny story, but not for here.

I am usually not this detail-oriented and picky (well, ask my children, they may disagree) but some phrases seem hackneyed by the end of the book..."bead of sweat" immediately comes to mind. Isn't that silly? And who really cares? Anyone who has read more than a couple of my rave reviews knows that I happen to use the words "riveting" and "captivating" quite frequently and no one has really beaten me up about it. Oh, and "slice of life"...I use that when I'm not really sure how to categorize and describe a book...those facts in and of themselves probably being the reason I like the book!

I thank Peggy who first introduced me to Laurie Notaro against my snooty, anti-chick lit judgment and to Vicky who gave me this book in particular.

Di

Snail Mail Sunday (Vol. 6)

This Sunday is a fun day for my friends Vicky and Donnie who are getting married in April...a couples brunch to celebrate their impending nuptials.

But, unfortunately it's not a happy day for my friend Stacy, whose daughter Casey has been admitted to the hospital for the third time in less than four weeks. A wee lass of just 80 pounds and 11 years, she has endured more pain and medical issues than anyone should experience in a lifetime including Ulcerative colitis eventually and hopefully controlled by the third tier in a regimen of medical treatments, and just for fun, a kidney stone thrown in there to test her pain tolerance, which she responded to like you and I might respond to a mild headache. After passing the stone, the size of a piece of pearl pasta (an analogy I was able to make after watching Stacy eat a delicious cup of Italian Wedding soup at the inimitable Carole's Kitchen in Boca), she was eventually released to enjoy an amazing first day home with family and friends. Two days later, she is back in the hospital with yet another kidney stone and ready for another round of Remicade (which we have charmingly nicknamed "Rum & Coke").

Stacy has been stronger than I can ever imagine being. She has spent most nights at the hospital, catered to the dietary needs, desires and whims of an 11-year old who wants nothing more than to be back at school, endured the frustration and uncertainty of each medical test and treatment and amazingly, managed to find the time to reassure her 8-year old twins who get off the bus every day never sure who is going to be picking them up.

My children have surprised me at every turn, proving that they HAVE been paying attention and learning about how to be a good friend. My 13-year old daughter (who, under normal circumstances would probably have no use for her brother's 11-year old friend) checks in frequently for updates, sends text messages to Casey and carefully picks out books that she thinks Casey will like. My 11-year old son has woken up many mornings with the first words out of his mouth, before he even opens his eyes, being, "Can I see Casey today?"

So it's kind of a conundrum this week...and I think that it's going to be a two-snail-mail Sunday here. Casey has been delighted with all of the e-mails she has received from my blog readers (send to BasketCase1095@mac.com) and Stacy enjoys the occasional passion fruit iced tea from Starbucks that I deliver when visiting hours start. But I don't know for sure that either one knows how heroic she is being.

Casey has inspired me, at one quarter my age, by handling pain, suffering and uncertainty with maturity and courage. Stacy, my dear friend, ("sister of my heart" as Andrea has dubbed her) has placed motherhood and responsibility above her own needs and emotions.

So, while I would rather take a day of Casey's pain or a fraction of Stacy's mother-guilt (which is enormous by virtue of being a "Jewish mother" and increased exponentially by being torn between the needs of a sick child, a loving and hard-working husband and the twins who need her)...I have to settle for the special moment I can give with a hand-written note on some lovely stationary to let them know how special they are.

On this Snail Mail Sunday...I hope that you will look around and see who you know who is displaying courage, fortitude and aplomb and let that person know that you recognize it, appreciate it and respect it. Surprisingly, most people who have those qualities in spades don't need to hear it from anyone to soldier on and do what needs to be done...but a kind word and an appreciative thought can never hurt anyone.

Di

Thursday Thirteen (Vol. 17)

A quick update...Casey is being released from the hospital on Thursday!!! She continues to get a kick out of hearing from my blog readers, so, if you want to drop her a note, click on the link above to read about her and e-mail her at: BasketCase1095@mac.com.

Moving right along, past the faux holiday that was Valentine's Day, there will be no hearts and flowers in this TT! Getting in touch with my inner middle aged woman (why did my Mom seem middle aged to me when SHE was 44 and I bristle at that term?) Let's look at 13 things I have explained to children in the last few weeks:

1. When I first learned to drive, there was no such thing as self-serve. A guy came up to your car, asked what you needed, filled the tank AND cleaned the windshield!
2. They used to have price tags on things in the grocery store and the cashier had to enter each price manually on a cash register. There were no bar codes or scanners. (Anyone who has lived in their house for a long time, check your spice cabinet...if there are any jars in there with no bar code, throw them away, NOW.)
3. There was no 411. You dialed "0" for Operator and talked to a real person who gave you the number and it was FREE!
4. Dittos? You don't know what dittos are? Kids used to fight to be the one to go down to the office and run off the teacher's dittos because you could slowly walk back to the classroom inhaling the delightful aroma of fresh blue ink.
5. This is a typewriter. If you wanted to make two copies, you used carbon paper and there was no backspace or Ctrl-X to correct mistakes. I made a fortune in college charging $1 per page to type term papers. (Kudos to Mom...best thing she ever made me do, take typing...it has served me well.)
6. When Daddy was little, he was the remote control! Grampa Hal would sit there on a Sunday afternoon when football was on two of the four channels available and tell Daddy, "Turn to 6, Turn to 2, Turn back to 6..."
7. There used to be actual commercials for smoking, not just not-so-subtle product placement in movies and ads showing beautiful people smoking and having fun in magazines.
8. The '80s are NOT the old days!!! The old days are when MY parents were young!
9. That's called an "Album" not "one of those big CD's".
10. When I was in high school, if you lost your friends at a concert, you were SOL (Stacy, call me, don't ask Casey what that means). You couldn't call them on your cell phone and tell them to meet you under the Bud Light sign.
11. When I was in school, no one was "gifted". If you happened to be a good reader or good at math, once in a while you would have a special teacher who would give you extra work. In first grade, when I was finished with my work, the teacher had me help the "slow" kids...and it was OK to use that term. And believe me, when the reading groups were called the "Cheetahs", the "Horses" and the "Turtles"...it was painfully obvious where you stood in the reading echelon...but no one really cared.
12. Parents didn't know where we were every second, but they didn't have to because they knew we were safe. (Besides, the moms were busy having Friday afternoon wine parties, right Mom?) When it was dinner time, moms could come out on the front porch and yell out their kids' names and they would come running. (I still remember the sound of our neighbor across the street "JoeyDonnaSallyEddieTheresaJohnnyMary"...yup, 7 kids...you gotta know those kids raced home because if they didn't there might not be anything left!)
13. Birthday parties were held at your house...paper hats, noisemakers, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and homemade cake were the height of birthday entertainment!

I really must be middle-aged if I have 13 things about which to be this nostalgic...and trust me, there are some not included because they might get me in trouble with my mother or my daughter!!!!

Di

Sort of...

This post is dedicated to Uncle Walter of Lost in Kids...Laura, make sure he reads it!

Last week I volunteered to pick up my friend Nancy's son Clayton (who, incidentally, looks like he was born to be in a Ralph Lauren ad) at school. My son Rory usually takes the bus, so on that day I told him that I would pick him up in the carpool line because that's how Clayton normally gets home.

Rory said, "Why can't Clayton just take the bus like me?"

I replied, "They can't just let elementary kids who normally get picked up just randomly get on a bus one afternoon and go wherever it takes them!"

Rory said, "Is that part of No Child Left Behind?"

Yeah, the program makes about as much sense to me too!

Di

But does she know where Iraq is?

My stay-at-home, non-working self has been such a complete slacker, so I decided to let my single, full-time working Mom who is planning a wedding in two months (AKA The Appliance Fairy...love the coffeemaker Vicky!) be my guest blogger with very small interjections by me (in italics so Vicky doesn't get blamed for them):

I was driving darling daughter (DD, name disguised to protect the innocent...but she's in 5th grade and next year will be in middle school and that innocence will be gone forever, along with hugs and the phrase, "You are the best mom") into school this morning and we were briefly delayed by the Tri-Rail (the railway's version of the "short bus") at the tracks in Boca.  As I watched the train speed by, I was reminded how my darling, creature-comfort-loving daughter recently spent 24 hours EACH WAY traveling via Amtrak to and from Washington DC for the Epic Safety Patrol School Trip (about which SOME parents were more neurotic than others...love ya Laura & O).  Knowing that she has been somewhat of a jet-setter (though only domestically) during her short life, (since the age of 5 ~ by herself no less!) via the comparatively superior air method of travel,  I was curious to get her take on the antiquated rail method.

So I turned to her (keep your eyes on the road, Vicky! This is Boca...you could be side-swiped by a rogue senior citizen trying to be first in line for the Early Bird Special a mere 10 hours away!)and asked, "I betcha don't want to ride a train again, huh?"

"Oh, no," she replied, "I would rather take the train over an airplane any day!" When I asked why, her answer was simple "Cause you can stand up and walk around when you want to." (Reasonable answer, but I preferred to think of you safely buckled into your seat THE ENTIRE TIME, thanks.)

Her answer did surprise and confuse me. "Well," I retorted, "We certainly are NOT taking a train to Maine in June. If it took you guys 24 hours to reach Washington DC, it would take like, 2 1/2 days to reach Maine!"

"Nuh-uh, Mom," (poor Vicky, "nuh-uh" probably sounds like the ultimate disrespectful retort...just wait until DD is 13!) she replied, "Maine is closer than DC." (Now I am confused AND concerned.)

I pointed out that DC is around halfway to Maine.  DD was shaking her head. "NO, she exclaimed, "Washington DC way farther...It is up in that upper left-hand corner of the map!"

Well folks, that says it all.  I dropped her off at school and drove away thinking how I paid $700 dollars and spent countless hours of worrying because she was over 1,000 miles away from me.   And my kid thought that the whole time she was partying it up...over THREE THOUSAND miles away from me...safely tucked away from my prying eyes on the NORTHWEST COAST in WASHINGTON STATE.  Nice. (It's not a failure of our educational system...that's probably just not on the FCAT and therefore unnecessary to our children's knowledge base!)

Lessons Learned:
Drag the globe from the corner of the living room and make it a centerpiece. (I'm impressed that she has a globe in the corner of her living room, I think we have an empty coke can and some candy wrappers in the corner of our living room.) Point to it and talk about it.
Get a Geography tutor. Quickly, before she travels again.
Buy lots of maps.

Thanks Vicky, I'm sure whatever blog-readers remain after my recent dearth of blogging will be clamoring for more stories.

(Author's note: DD really is a bright child, I swear.  I am thinking that she may just take after Donnie in the "directionally challenged" department...if only by osmosis)